The City came to tear down the trees. Not ALL of the trees, but rather, ONE of the trees. The one which used to grow by the curb outside my bedroom window. It was a very old tree - older than me, I suppose - but the City came to tear it down because crackheads stored their pipes & their lighters & their cheap rock cocaine inside a hollow place in the tree trunk.
It wasn't the tree's fault.
I went outside to watch them tear down the tree. Some police officers came to watch, too. They parked at weird angles all over & turned on their lights & red & white & blue flashed on all the houses.
While we were waiting, the police told me some things about crackheads.
//Your typical crackhead can smell an officer on the beat from a mile & a 1/2 away.\\
//Your typical crackhead can take 3 bullets at 20 paces & still lift up a car.\\
//Your typical female addict can give birth to baby crackheads 5 times a year.\\
//Crackheads cannot perceive the color blue & when pursued or scared, have been known to dead leap a 15 ft. fence.\\
//The eyes of longterm addicts will gradually migrate to the sides of their heads like rabbits or other hunted animals.\\
After hearing these things, I think I might want to do crack.
I've never lifted a whole car before!
Some of that stuff DOES sound cool.
ReplyDeleteAnd surreal.
Dada, anyone?
I've never known street drugs to be surreal in effect.
ReplyDeleteBut hey, who am I to judge? and hell, they ARE cops & know more about these things than a lowly hermit...
Not a good idea having crackheads planted just outside your bedroom window, trees are ok though.
ReplyDeleteIf you plant a crackhead, I'm not sure what grows. I'm pretty sure they're seeds for something, though.
ReplyDeleteThere's probably only one way to find out.
No one's going to complain, especially if I water it every day.
That WOULD be interesting to find out, but may be too huge an undertaking. Might want to see about getting them germinated first.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I'd want to chase them down for planting if they can lift cars and take bullets.
ReplyDeleteCrackhead farming is dangerous!
haha :)
ReplyDeleteNot to get too morbid (too late, and why stop now) ... **yes here it is** ... "BUT", I'm having trouble getting the right phrasing but (another "but") it goes something like this... I'm not sure you'd have to chase 'em down, cuz crackheads are self planting (since they're digging their OWN graves and all).
This is all coming full circle to my zombies vs. crackheads thing.
ReplyDeleteWhich, I might add would make a great movie.
The crackheads can be like madrake roots - mandrake roots look a little like human beings and have psychoctive properties.
It WOULD be a great movie. What a fantastic thought Ms Grok!!! Just your mention and my brain is already screaming cult classic!!!
ReplyDeleteI suspect that "Zombies vs Crackheads" might get derailed by the forces of Political Correctness.
ReplyDeleteor just good taste...
A movie derailed due to lack of good taste? Really?!
ReplyDeleteOk, so we may have to play around with the title a little bit. We may have to consider bending our artistic integrity for that.
I'm leaving this one on the table.
I actually think I could pull it off as a movie if done the right way.
ReplyDeleteFor example, as a 1970's race parable:
"I'm a crackhead. You're a zombie. Sure we SEEM different, but are we really? If you prick us, don't we both fail to bleed? Don't we both now the pain of losing multiple limbs? Haven't all of us woken up with bugs eating our eyeballs?"
This is good.
This is very good.
lmao haha that's good very good :))
ReplyDeleteObviously, I meant "know" and not "now".
ReplyDeleteDamn this Blogger deal for not having a spellcheck mechanism.
We'll spell check the script when we're done, so no problem, best to catch whatever we can up front though. Good catch Amne.
ReplyDeleteWe have 16 seconds of movie accounted for so far.
Sad for the tree. Wickedly macabre witticisms here inspired by "real life".
ReplyDeleteSilly crackheads, even sillier cops!
"Silly crackheads, even sillier cops!"
ReplyDeleteIt's nice that I can just look out the window and see who bests who! Neither side generally looks like they're winning to me...
"Silly wabbit; crack is for cops!"
ReplyDelete(Sorry. Had to....)
"//Your typical crackhead can smell an officer on the beat from a mile & a 1/2 away.\\
ReplyDelete//Your typical crackhead can take 3 bullets at 20 paces & still lift up a car.\\
//Your typical female addict can give birth to baby crackheads 5 times a year.\\
//Crackheads cannot perceive the color blue & when pursued or scared, have been known to dead leap a 15 ft. fence.\\
//The eyes of longterm addicts will gradually migrate to the sides of their heads like rabbits or other hunted animals.\\"
These can be used as setting paramaters in the Cops vs. Crackheads video game.